I was typing "breaking the silence" but breaking the girl just flew out my fingers. It's that kind of a post. You have been warned. :)
So, hi old blog and the three people who read it! That just reminded me of KIIS FM in the 80s, Rick Dees in the Morning with its "seven listeners." Except this blog isn't the #1 FM radio morning show in the country and my three readers are literally three readers...who haven't had much to read here in a few years anyway. Rick and 102.7 are on the brain because today is my dad's birthday, and on that show he was The Coach Charleye Wright, reminding you to keep your eye on the ball. But this post isn't about Dad (what?!). It's about me. The broken girl. And yes I am aware that I'm technically much too old to be called a girl...but the song isn't called Breaking the Grandma, now is it? Besides, it's Dad's birthday and he always called me baby girl. I'm going with it.
Last week I got laid off. The company where I have worked since November of 2004 told me on Thursday morning that my division was being reorganized and that I was part of the group that was unemployed as of Friday at noon. I think it's legal for me to say that? Hopefully. Apparently the first rule of Severance Club is you don't talk about Severance Club. Instead I will use this opportunity to dispense some unsolicited life advice:
- Save money. That rule about having 2-3 months of living expenses in savings isn't something to laugh about and not do, or talk about like it's unattainable. Open a savings account and pay yourself first. My dad used to say to tithe to yourself (ie, save 10% off the top). I didn't listen to this advice. I wish I had. You should.
- Choose wisely. That stuff you read all the time about corporations being evil and unchecked capitalism running our nation and ruining people's lives is true. I knew this already but just got a very intense reminder. Corporations are not people. They have no heart and no soul. They make decisions based solely on the bottom line, and everyone and everything is expendable. Only profit matters. This is the world where we live. Behave accordingly.
- Follow your bliss. Find a way to survive and thrive doing something that you love! It's harder than getting on the conveyor belt and becoming a piece of the machine. But it's so very worth it. You're so very worth it. Your life, health, and happiness depend on it. Follow your bliss.
I've been working as a software developer for 25 years. I got into this career completely by accident. I was a journalism/communications major at Trinity when Jordan came along. I had taken a programming class as an elective and learned that I loved programming. It felt like solving puzzles, and the fact that it came falling-off-a-log easily to me didn't hurt. I ended up getting an associates degree in computer science and going to work as a programmer before I finished my bachelors degree. My first programming job was as a co-op/intern student at Dow Chemical. I loved the work and my immediate co-workers, but hated the company and what I was contributing to -- plastics, chemicals, pollution, yuck. Even so, when my co-op term ended and they offered me a contract job in the same position, I took it. I was a single mom finishing my college degree (which morphed to Humanities at UH-Downtown), and it felt like the right thing to do at the time. It got me through those years and out of school, and when my contract ended shortly after graduation, I was happy to leave. After that, I got a job working in the IT department of a community college district. That led to almost 10 good years of doing a job that I felt good about. I usually loved the work and the people that I worked with, and more than that, I could sleep well at night knowing that I was contributing directly to something that I find vitally important: higher education. Moving into the corporate world happened when I took a job at the software company whose product I had been supporting at the college district. It was a different company then; smaller, privately owned, with values that matched my own. It was more money and the chance to work from home -- literally my dream job. Over the past 10 years, everything about it changed. I still worked in the exact same job, but the company went public, then was bought, then was bought again and combined with another, had a name change...same job, completely different place of employment. I should have been more prepared for this to happen because the writing was on the wall. Unfortunately, my tendency towards hope and thinking positively blinded me and made me more complacent than I should have been. And to be honest, the struggle of caring for my mom and stepdad for the past few years did not leave me any energy to put into a job search or even entertaining the idea of what felt like the unattainable luxury of following my bliss. So here we are.
And where is that, exactly? Broken. This is where we are. I don't define myself though my job. At least, I think I don't. But this is the first time since 1995 that I've been unemployed, and the first time that it has ever happened unwillingly. I didn't get fired for poor performance or for doing something wrong. Ostensibly I got cut for being too old, too immersed in the specialized area that I've worked in for the past 20 years, to make room for new people with new skills that I'm just learning. I'm a week away from my 48th birthday and I am obsolete. It feels pretty horrible.
So what now? I'm going to try to follow my own advice. Most of the time, I can look at this as a great opportunity for a fresh start. The possibilities are truly endless. I would love to follow my bliss -- maybe to actually write the three novels that are bouncing around in my head, write articles for magazines or online, work for a publisher. Maybe it's time to start that listening room/cafe I've always dreamed of owning, or open an amazing alternative school that focuses on music and art. Maybe I can create the new Spotify or Etsy. Open a food truck called Bowls & Rolls. Why do dreams always sound ridiculous?
The truth is that I don't know what will happen next. I'm in the very beginning phase of what is going to be a long and probably very difficult journey. Practically, we're screwed. Tim is terrified, while I'm vacillating (wildly!) between furious, relieved, devastated, excited, and scared out of my mind. But life goes on, and I can't sit by and let it happen to me any more -- I have to happen to it again. That much is clear. My goal is to come out of this stronger and better than ever. I'm already wiser. Now comes the work.
"Life is a series of problems to be solved." -- Dad
"If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. " -- Joseph Campbell
"Keep your eye on the ball." -- The Coach Charleye Wright
